Tag Archives: pain

questions for youth ministry

7 Questions To Bring Up At Youth Group

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This week, we have been talking about hurting teens and how we can interact with them. Most of the time we have been talking about setting up and having one-on-one conversations. While that is one of the best ways to listen and help students with the pain, we need to have open conversations within the youth group.

This is a perfect conversation to have when you go to camp, on a retreat, or take a small group out for a special night. Be careful that you do not force teens to answer any questions that they do not feel comfortable, you share stuff in your life but keep appropriate boundaries, and be prepared with the time to talk about the tough stuff afterwards.

  1. How can our friends help us when we’re in pain? Is it possible to rely too much on our friends when we are hurting? Why or why not?
  2. How are most people affected by the hurts and pains they’ve experienced in life? How do most people deal with these issues?
  3. If forgiving others is so important to our relationship with God, why is it sometimes so hard to really do?
  4. If you haven’t forgiven that person yet, how does it feel to carry around this “weight” in your life?
  5. When have you struggled to forgive someone who hurt one of your friends, not you? How did you handle this situation?
  6. Why is it sometimes hard to see how God is using the painful things in our lives?
  7. How have you seen God use your troubles to teach you something?

Have you brought up the tough stuff at youth group? If so, what did you talk about?

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Youth Ministry and Hurting Teens: Point To Jesus

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“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

- Matthew 11:28-30

The words of Jesus in Matthew 11 are refreshing, uplifting, and comforting for anyone who has worry, hurt, concern, or pain in their lives, which if we are all honest with ourselves, is everyone. He is offering for rest, but not a physical rest that we can give ourselves and will only be good for half a day, but rest for our souls, something that only God can give and will last forever.

As for the yoke, it seems almost the opposite of what God is intending to do. We have so many burdens on our shoulders that we are being weighed down by our own sins and the pain of this world, yet Jesus is asking us to put on His yoke, which you would think would add to the weight. But His yoke means, the obligation to receive Him as the Messiah, to believe His doctrine, and to be in all things conformed to His Word and to His Spirit. This eliminates the heartache of loss, the worry of the unknown, and the pain of sin. Essentially, it takes off the whole weight of life and allows us to be free in Him, but knowing we must continue to be faithful and true to His family.

For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

- 2 Corinthians 1:5

Here is Tenth Avenue North’s “You Are More” that depicts this very idea that we are more than the hurt and pain we go through.

Youth Ministry and Hurting Teens: Dealing With The Pain

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Teens deal with a lot of issues in their lives, more than any other generation has had to face in their lives. Depression, drugs, break ups, teen pregnancy, cutting, abusive parents, failing grades, rape, poverty, and social rejection to name a few. With all of this turmoil, they need to find healthy ways of coping with the problems they will face. As youth workers, we have the premium opportunity to teach resiliency and healthy coping ideas to teens.

There are a lot of great ways to handle this, but almost all of these coping methods can be done wrongly and be unhealthy. Some things like cutting and underage drinking are obviously unhealthy, but its those “okay” things that people do in an unhealthy way that slip through the cracks. A teen girl looks like they are just a hard worker is actually over compensating from verbal and emotional abuse as school and so she spends all her time at the library and ignores social engagements. A guy who is a star basketball player is really covering the fact that his alcoholic dad abuses him and so he is always in the weight room or shooting hoops, just as long has he does not have to talk about his feelings. Both of these situations become unhealthy and we need to look out for them, being supportive when they become apparent.

I love how the Skit Guys address this subject in their video Baggage. We do not go through it alone. You can see it below:

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Youth Ministry and Hurting Teens: Being Present

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Youth ministry is a fast-paced, unscheduled, high-energy profession. To do the job well, you are juggling volunteers, parents, church staff, programs, budgets, meetings, training, being up-to-date on youth culture, and going to all the teen activities you can. The problem is that crises happen in a teenage life and we need to be fully present in their lives. There is no doubt that teens are hurting, but sometimes it is more apparent than normal. Here are three things to do so that you can be as present as possible with teens.

  1. Let Them Know You Are Present To Listen To Them Talk.
    This may be as simple as letting them know when your office hours are, but you need to put it out there. So many adults in teenagers lives are too busy to be bothered with having to listen to their problems. As youth workers, we are hear for them, but they may not know that this means taking an hour or two out of our time and sitting down to listen to their heart. We can and will be present with them, but that needs to be presented to them. When you do sit down to listen, turn off the cell phone right in front of them and let them know you are ready to listen with your full attention.

    For us at USAFA Club Beyond, this means that every three weeks we make a verbal comment up front that we want to know what they have to say and are willing to buy them coffee or lunch and chat about their lives. The promotion is frequent and constant, they simply need to know we are available.

  2. Let Them Know That No Subject Is Off Topics
    With a variety of situations and emotions, we are bound to end up talking about some tough stuff in life. But we need to communicate through our sermons and sideline conversations that we are here to listen to anything they need to get off their chest. This means that we will not judge them for what they say, no matter how terrible. Be it cutting, bullying, or anger at parents, we are hear to listen. When they open up their heart and unload the months of repressed fear, hopelessness, and pain, their hearts will be lightened and you can offer them the support they need. But it takes knowing that they can go there with you to make all that relief happen.
  3. Do Not Make Promises You Can’t Keep
    I love listening to teens and hearing what they have to say and would never intentionally do anything to change that. That being said, as a youth worker, you are legally required to report certain things to the authorities, including harm to self or others. So when a teen begins a conversation with, “Can you keep a secret?” you must communicate what you can and cannot promise. The unfortunate side of this is that they may not want to talk…. yet. But when a fear or problem becomes too much, they will come to talk. To hold something secret like thoughts of suicide can literally kill them, so don’t do it!

Guest Post: Removing Thorns

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“The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature” ~ Luke 8:14 (NIV)

In part I “Expecting Fruit among Thorns”, I left you with a question to think about. “What parable category am I among?” All of us, in varying degrees, fall into the parable’s definition of “thorns”. However, the real question becomes “How long do I reside there?” Residing there starts patterns which lead to habits that could ultimately result into a lifestyle that’s conflicting to our beliefs. That lifestyle chokes, or suffocates, the word of God we have heard, whereby becoming ineffective in our lives. Behaviors contrary to what we actually believe create an illusion for our children that the biblical worldview and secular worldview are synonymous. Before we can effectively influence our children toward righteousness, we first must remove the fruitless stranglehold of “thorns” in our daily life and set our eye toward “good soil”.

“Trust” removes “worries” thorns

Life does get tough at times. With a loss of a job, a marriage headed for divorce, or a lab report denoting a terminal health condition, fear and worry can quickly consume our thoughts. What behaviors do we manifest during waves of anxiety? What behaviors do our children see? God did not give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7), so when we worry we detach from God and prevent Him to work in us. To help distinguish a difference from the biblical and secular worldviews, our children have to see us trusting God in our countenance, attitude, and action. To remove the obstructive thorn of “worries”, we must trust in the Lord with all of our heart and lean not on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). In addition, our children need to see trust in action.

“Wisdom” removes “Riches” thorns

“Riches” in and of itself is not the thorn. Being under the power and influence of “riches” is. The addictive nature of persistently looking for monetary gain consumes and captivates our thoughts blocking out any room for the seed of God to mature in our life. No one can serve both God and money. (Luke 16:13) If we love money with all of our heart, mind, and strength, God is pushed out of our life. Inevitably, greed becomes our master and it will bring ruin to your household. (Proverbs 15:27) In this environment, our children will perceive money to be the only answer to satisfy their need for peace and joy.

We need money to support living, fulfilling of dreams, and growing ministries, but how do we serve God with all of our heart and still manage the need for money? The answer is to seek wisdom. In Proverbs 8, wisdom is calling us and the chapter describes the benefits to our life when we receive it. Wisdom has more value and is more precious than gold, silver, and rubies. Positioning God first in every area of our life opens an unobstructed conduit for wisdom to pour into us. In addition to reaping knowledge, understanding, and a long life, wisdom has provisional blessing…“With me are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity.”(Proverbs 8:18) “…bestowing a rich inheritance on those who love me and making their treasuries full.”(Proverbs 8:21)

To remove the smothering thorn of “riches”, we need to focus our daily energy to seeking Godly wisdom. In doing so, our children will witness the miraculous provisional power of our God that the world cannot compete with. They will be secure in knowing they do not have to chase riches.

“Contentment” removes “Pleasures” thorns

Remember trying to get your toddler to look at the camera and smile when attempting to take their picture? You would make noises, funny faces, or wave a stuffed animal sporadically hoping to capture their undivided attention. Like the toddler, the family is enticed by many “pleasures” hoping to capture our exclusive attention. Because of our activity laden lifestyle, the family has fallen into the trap of overindulgence. God has no vacant room to live in our hearts because it’s fully occupied by “pleasures”. Our children begin thinking God is out there somewhere like a distant uncle they haven’t seen in years. Discontentment in the home will create a longing for something better than the present situation. This type of restlessness leads to poor judgment and hypocritical behaviors.

To remove the suppressing thorn of “pleasures”, we have to push out some “pleasures” from the rooms of our heart and let God inhabit them. Contentment starts with serving and obeying God (Job 36:11). Godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6) Mom and Dad keeping their lives free from the love of “pleasures” and being content with everything they have will demonstrate to our children God’s promise…”Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Trust, wisdom, and contentment remove unintentional hypocrisy and models what we believe. In the final part of this series, “Producing Fruit on Good Soil”, we’ll discuss the final stage of transforming us to being the biblical worldview influencers God has called us to be as parents.

Soul Care for Volunteers : In The Moment

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I love working with my volunteers at USAFA Club Beyond and have found that when they decide they want to serve in this ministry, that it becomes more than just spending an hour at youth group. When a volunteer signs up to serve these students, they are joining a community of people that have a heart for showing teenagers who Jesus is and impacting the whole family. Because of this community, I have found that these relationships with my volunteers go deep.

So it goes to say that when something so tragic happens in one of their lives as happened in our community last week, I cannot simply respond with an “I’m sorry.” When I heard the news, life stopped. I spent the next twenty minutes on the phone, called my own prayer partners, dedicated most of our prayer time the last several days to their situation, brought them food, and have talked with them for at least a half an hour every day. Again, life stopped.

When I heard this news, my mind and heart instantly went to the Psalms and the pain that David was feeling. Because of the heart of these volunteers, I was able to share Scripture with them, pray for them, and know that this time of sorrow would lead back to joy. Yet, many of our conversations have led to tears for the both of us and I want to help shoulder some of the grief for them.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction.
Psalm 31:9-10

I would love to say that everything is hunky dory, but their is still sadness. Yet, this community of volunteers have come to surround this couple and I love their hearts more than ever. They will never be the same, this whole ministry will never be the same, and we know that this is all for God’s glory.

How close are your volunteers with you? How would your community of volunteers respond to a crisis like this?

Struggling with Scripture : Genesis 32:24-28

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I was raised my entire life with the fact that God knew what was write for my life and I was suppose to follow that. When younger, my parents would discern what was correct and tell me. As a teenager, I fought a lot of what my parents said only to find out in college that they were actually geniuses. In college, I started to look to my future of what was going to happen: who will I marry, what will I do as a career, what is my purpose. One night my senior year, struggling with these decisions, I told God to break me and lead my path completely. I humbled myself to whatever He wanted from me, unsure of the unknown, and struggled with God to show me the way.

Jacob’s Struggle With God

Genesis 32:22-32 is the famous Biblical story of Jacob, son of Issac who was coming home after being away for twenty years. Genesis tells us that when Jacob had been left alone, “a man wrestled with him until the break of day.” Jacob, it is said, wrestled with God through the night, refusing to let go, even when he had been wounded, holding on until he had received a blessing. This seemed to go against everything I believed. Wrestling with God? Can we do that?

How bold! How dangerous! Jacob held on to God until he received God’s blessing, but he did not leave unscathed. For the rest of his life, that hip would be a reminder of who was in control of his life. Yet his blessing was transformational both in name (from Jacob to Israel) as well as in purpose (from second heir to his brother to God’s nation that will come from his family).

Struggle With God Yourself

I see Jacob wanting more to his life and know God could lead him, so he wrestled with God. But Jacob is not the only one. Abraham laughed at God (Genesis 17:17), Moses argued with God (Exodus 4:1), David yelled at God (Psalm 88), Peter fought God every step of the way (Matthew 16:22-23), and for Paul it took a miracle for him to see the authority of Christ. (Acts 9:5-9)

Today we often find ourselves in Jacob’s position. We are troubled with worries and anxieties; our future is unsure at best, and we desperately seek God’s blessing and deliverance. When I asked for God to break me, mold me into His image, and lead me, I was blessed beyond belief. Yet, I also have a permanent reminder of the power of God and how He always has control of my life.

So, be cautious in asking God to break you. It WILL HURT, but it could be the greatest think you ever do.