Author Archives: Jim King

Jim King

About Jim King

Jim King is a husband, father of three, and grandfather of three. A former youth director for Campus Life for 34 years, he now spends his time as Pastor of Ebenezer Mennonite Church in Bluffton, Ohio and at Michigan Wolverine football games.
Youth Ministry and Marriage Holding Hands

Youth Ministry and Marriage: Holding Hands

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The beautiful couple walks out of the church sanctuary, hand in hand. The wedding ceremony is over and now the marriage begins. For this couple, marriage is holding hands with ministry. The couple wonders how this will work out after the honeymoon is over. For me and my bride, ministry took us to our honeymoon. Within days of getting married, we headed to Rockford College for two weeks of Youth for Christ training. Our honeymoon suite was a stark dorm room. I do not recommend this. I’m still trying to make up for this with my bride some thirty five years later.

So how does a married couple hold ministry in their hands? I want to share three insights that just might help you whether you have been married four months or forty years.

First grab hold of the hand of mercy. We’re all flawed people. No one is perfect, including your spouse. But you already knew that. That’s why we need to be Jesus to our spouses. Remember the parable of the Good Samaritan? A Jewish man was robbed and left half dead alongside the road. Along came an unlikely neighbor, a Samaritan. The Samaritan took pity on the Jewish man in the ditch and cared for him. The Samaritan displayed mercy or the giving of what’s not deserved. My wife is my closest neighbor. She gets beat up by life and sin. I need to have compassion. I come alongside her. I apply mercy along with the other gifts of love and grace that Jesus provides. These wonderful gifts flow from a close relationship with Jesus. As a married couple our first responsibility is to abide in Jesus. Jesus is the Vine and we are the branches. Life flows from Him. Apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:1-5).

Next we grab hold of the hand of mission. In your per-marital counseling or wedding ceremony, you probably heard the words of Matthew 19:5, 6… “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one.” Did you catch the phrase, “So they are no longer two, but one?” Make sure you are together on your mission. If you have any children, they are important to your mission. You have a responsibility to pass on your passion for Jesus to your children (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).

Make sure your ministry doesn’t take you away from this primary mission you have as a married couple. Then look for ways to make the ministry you have as a mission together. My wife Pat has been great in our years of marriage and ministry.

Whether it’s been my years in youth ministry or now as a pastor, she’s my biggest cheerleader and prayer warrior. We do ministry together as often as we can. Together we are in sync with the mission Jesus has given us.

Finally hold tight to the hand that is connected to the wrist with the watch on it. Ministry can be time consuming. We need to be skilled enough to manage the twenty four hours God gives to us each day. Ephesians 5:15, 16 says, “Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time…” Make sure you are giving the time necessary to grow your marriage. We need to sit down with our spouses and go over our weekly schedules. We need to set boundaries in our ministry and put date nights on our calendars. Are you spending enough time with your spouse and family? Is your relationship growing with them? Ask your spouse! Have the conversation. Manage time together.

After all these years of marriage, I still get a thrill holding Pat’s hand. Make sure you walk hand in hand with the one you love. As a married couple in ministry, hold Jesus hand even tighter. Hands together will provide the resources needed to live out marriage and ministry.

Allures, Allegations, and Assistance

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The top two national news stories feature sexual allegations. Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain is alleged to have sexually harassed several women in years past. Ex- Penn State University football defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky is accused of sexually abusing eight young boys. I use the word allegations, only because we don’t know the full story at this time. But once again we see the allure of sex and the power it has can have over us as human beings.

But let’s take a moment and think what this can say to you and me. In the very beginning God created male and female (Genesis 1:27). That’s right, just pause. We are created with sexual equipment. You are either male or female with the biological marks designed to distinguish between the two. Rejoice in that! God created and designed us as sexual beings. The problem is we are also flawed with sinful natures and desires.
So what can assist as created sexual being in honoring God and each other? Let’s take a stab at answering that important question. This is what helps me and maybe it’ll help you too. I want to use three words. Are you ready for the three words? They are heart, eyes, and friend. Repeat the three words. Now let’s explore how each word can assist us in honoring God and each other as sexual beings.

Heart

When it comes to how the Bible usually uses heart, don’t think beating organ inside your chest. Instead think control center of your intellect, feelings, and will. Whew, that’s a lot going on inside of us. This is why Jesus says in Mathew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” Jesus used some words like “evil thoughts” and “sexual immorality.” The source is from our hearts. So if we are to defeat the “evil thoughts” and “sexual immorality” it’ll take a heart transplant. Jesus is the Master of the heart transplant. That’s why it says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” Jesus is our heart surgeon and He changes us. If we are to control our sexual urges we need outside assistance as found in Jesus. It’s not going to happen in our own human strength. Our sexual desires are to strong for that. We need Jesus.

Eyes

I can only speak from a man’s perspective, because after all, I’m a man. But I think the rest of the men who read this can identify with how in our sexual makeup we’re wired by sight. There’s something about the female body that draws our eyes to her shapely figure. Jesus recognized this and spoke these words found in Matthew 5:27-30, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

The porn business knows guys are wired by sight. So they use the female body to draw men into their sites. (Women are becoming more attracted to porn than ever before too.) I’ve heard pornography makes more money every year than all the professional sports teams in the USA combined. That’s a lot of money. But it also costs men more than their money. Porn damages the relationship men have with their girlfriends and wives. It also leads to a sense of guilt, shame, and being out of control. The problem is that our eyes are everywhere and so is porn. I went to college in the days before the computer. In those dark days you had to get your hands on a magazine with glossy photos of naked women. Today all you need is a click on the mouse of your computer and the sexual temptation begins. Jesus takes this call for eye purity pretty seriously. He uses words like “gouge” and “cut.” Hyperbole? Probably so. But it challenges us to take strong measures in protecting what we look at. So we can “gouge” our eyeballs by looking away from the attractive girl in the skimpy bikini at the pool. We can stop staring at the female on the computer screen that wants us to enlarge her image. We can “cut” off our finger on the mouse by clicking to a different screen. Do whatever it takes to protect our eyes.

Friend

Jesus never intended for us to go through life alone. Jesus established the church and the church is far more than a building on a corner block. The church is people and the New Testament uses the phrase “one another” a gazillion times. Maybe not that many, but it’s a lot. Take this for instance, “Let us encourage one another.” (Hebrews 10:25)
We could use some encouragement in honoring God and each other as sexual beings. It would be good to team up with someone who has your best interests at heart. Give that person permission to ask the tough questions concerning your life as a sexual being. Likewise, you can keep the other person accountable. Together we can honor God with our sexuality.

Let’s recognize we live in a culture with many sexual allures. Any allegations brought against us because of sexual sin damages the name of Christ and our very lives. Let’s assist each other and use our bodies for His glory.

Join the discussion… how do you go about honoring God and each other as sexual beings?

34 Plus 3

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I’m sitting here feeling reflective. No, it’s not because of the chirping birds outside my window or the warm sunshine on my cheeks. It’s because the calendar has flipped over to September and this marks the completion of my third year as co-pastor at Ebenezer Mennonite Church. Don’t let the tag Mennonite throw you. You won’t find us wearing black or all the women wearing head coverings. We do sometimes find ourselves sitting females on one side of the room with the males on the other, but that’s a fluke not by design. Before becoming a pastor at Ebenezer, I was involved in fulltime youth ministry for thirty four years with Pandora-Bluffton Youth for Christ. So now I sit here in front of my computer screen reflecting on these past 34 plus 3 years in ministry to see what I have learned. What I have learned just might help those who are just beginning in their journey in ministry and give a shot of encouragement to veterans of ministry everywhere.

You would think being in ministry for thirty seven years I would have a list of thirty seven reflective insights. But thirty seven reflective insights would be too bright and way too long to keep your attention. So here’s what I have come up with in my reflective mood…

People’s Lives are Messy
When you’re involved with young people, you soon see how the thief that Jesus talked about in John 10:10 comes only to steal, and kill and destroy. Kid’s lives are messy.
The messiness of life hits so many from family breakdowns to breaking up with the one you date. There’s depression, loneliness, heartache, and abuse. The list goes on and on and on. Yet the messiness of people’s lives is not limited to young people. Adults also have messy lives. In fact as I contemplate 34 plus 3, often the young person’s messiness stems from the messiness of the adults in their lives. Jesus calls us to see others with his eyes. This observation stirs compassion in our guts and calls us to do something. It’s why we are involved in ministry. We come alongside the messiness, knowing that only Jesus can clean up the mess with his towels of grace and mercy.

Change Happens
Often for those of us involved in ministry we want to see change in people’s lives and the structures we work in. We wonder when the change will come. Why doesn’t the change happen now? Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. As I reflect on my ministry experience I see that change doesn’t happen overnight but does happen after prolonged, continuous effort. One of my goals in doing ministry at Ebenezer is to have small groups for adults. This represents change. The youth program already had an active small group ministry, but that was about it.

A small group allows new people in your midst to connect with others and gives us an avenue to obey Jesus command to love one another. For two and a half years I was facilitating two adult small groups. I was wondering if and when our adult small group ministry would take off. Then it happened! Adults who had been involved with small groups started to see the benefits for growth in their lives and started telling others. Isn’t this kind of gossip great! Soon others stepped up to facilitate and others opened their homes to host small groups. Now this fall our next small group series will have seven adult small groups. Change may not happen as fast as you would like, but more change is around the corner than you might have thought.

The Team. The Team. The Team
Let me share this insight with you. You cannot do everything. Over the years I’ve learned that God has designed me with certain gifts, talents, and abilities. It is up to me to connect with Jesus and develop my skill set for His glory. What’s your skill set? How are you developing the gifts that Jesus has given you? Do you know what you are good at? Do you know what you should not do? Have boundaries in place. Apply the words of Jesus to let your yes be yes and your no be no. Know when to say no. At the same time develop and allow others to do what God has designed for them to do. It’s all about team. For instance, I sing loud but terribly. You don’t want to ask me to lead singing, play a guitar, or sing a solo. I don’t know a note from a note. But I know people who can lead singing, play guitar, and sing solos. They know notes. The church is called the Body of Christ in Ephesians 4. This is amazing. When the Body functions together, and each does its part, it’s healthy. Be healthy and build a team.

Grow Like a Weed
Okay, maybe we should grow like a rose or some other good smelling flower. As I reflect back on 34 plus 3, I see my need to constantly tend my garden so I might grow in my relationship with Jesus. Jesus talks about this kind of organic growth in The Gospel of John 15. Jesus says He is the vine and we are the branches. Branches and thus the grapes on the branches can only grow if they are connected to the vine. In ministry we constantly give, give, and give some more. Where do we go to get nourished so we have something to give? This is why we need to constantly feed on Jesus. We need to remain or abide in Him. I want to be a life long learner. I want to have an attitude where I may always be found at the feet of Jesus. Ministry can easily become an idol. We spend time preparing for this event and that talk. We spend all this time with people ministering to their needs. So let’s make sure we schedule an event with Jesus and spend some relational time talking with Him. I have to make time to be with Jesus. I have several email devotionals that come to my inbox every morning. I read, meditate, and write on a select Scripture passage everyday for the whole week. What’s your plan to be fed? Jesus tells us in verse 5 of John 15 “that apart from Me you can do nothing.”

Nothing or something? Feed on Jesus and grow like a weed. Okay, like a rose!

Well, that’s enough reflecting for me today. I pray this encourages you and helps long term as you serve in Jesus name. Thanks for reading my list. You can certainly add to my reflective 34 plus 3 list.
What would you add?

Hamburger or Steak?

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My wife Pat and I just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. Some of you may think,  “Wow, that’s a long time.” Others are thinking, “You’ve only just begun.” My prayer is that we have many more years to share in our adventure called life.  A key component to a good and lasting marriage is sexual fidelity. Sexual fidelity is a spiritual discipline that says yes to sexual expression in marriage and no to any sexual expression outside of the marriage relationship. Hebrews 13:4 teaches us, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Fidelity is spiritual in nature because our power and will to obey flows from our relationship with Jesus. He is the vine and we are the branches, apart from Him we can do nothing. Fidelity is also a discipline. Now that’s a word we don’t like to talk about. Discipline implies effort and work. Our natural tendency is towards laziness and apathy. So how can those who just got married in June or couples who have been married for 50 years, maintain sexual fidelity?  (Those who are unmarried, stay tuned!!) Proverbs 5 is a great passage in Scripture that aids us in our effort to keep the marriage bed pure. This would be a good time to grab your Bible and read Proverbs 5.  Here’s a dad teaching his son about sex. The dad is most likely Solomon (boy did women cause some problems in his life, but that’s another story). He begins by warning his son of all the dangers and consequences of having sexual relationships outside of marriage. Then this dad tells his son to express himself sexually with his wife only. What’s interesting is how the dad compares sex to water. Note how water is contained in a cistern, well, spring, or stream. The water has set boundaries. Sex is controlled or we could say disciplined. This runs contrary to our cultures view of sex where it’s uncontrollable and is accepted to be expressed when you feel like it. The passage moves forward and tells the son to rejoice in the wife of your youth and let her breasts satisfy you at all times. This passage tells us to work at sexual fidelity. It also is telling those who are unmarried to maintain sexual chastity or sexual discipline before you’re married. Let the breasts of your wife satisfy you not the breasts of another woman.

I titled this note, “Hamburger or Steak?” If I went to a fancy restaurant with cloth napkins and more eating utensils than I knew what to do with, would I choose a hamburger or a steak? Would a hamburger even be on the menu? I get blunt with men who are about to get married or are married and tell them when it comes to sexual relationships, do you want hamburger or steak? There will be a temptation to choose hamburger or a woman outside of your wife. This can be pornographic images to lust to sexually expressing yourself with someone other than your wife. In the end, it’s hamburger, not steak. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m NOT saying women are pieces of meat. I’m simply talking about sexual expression which takes a body. I am also speaking mainly from the male point of view since I am a man. Instead always choose steak. Remember it’s about sexual fidelity or the spiritual discipline that says yes to sexual expression in marriage only. How can this be done? Let me give you some ideas. We’ll start with some “Do Not’s.”

  • Do not entertain thoughts of what it would be like to be with another person other than your spouse. The mind is a crazy place where our imaginations can get us into big trouble.
  • Do not be alone with the opposite sex. Protect your space and your reputation.

Instead do this…

  • Imagine the worst possible consequences of any sexual expression outside of marriage. You’ll hurt your family, your church, your life, and your Lord.
  • Eat many meals together with your spouse. This will increase the potential for communication.
  • Continue to date your spouse. When time and money allows have a “Super Date” where you get away for an overnight together.
  • Find a ministry you can do together.
  • Feed on Christ. Engage in spiritual practices so you can connect with Jesus.
  • Have friendships that allow others to speak godly truth into your marriage.
  • Go to bed together. Enough said.

Well, those are some of my ideas that have helped me along in my married life. What’s helped you in keeping the marriage bed pure? You can use this as a forum to share your ideas with others.

A good marriage and keeping the marriage bed pure doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it. The kind of marriage you have affects your leadership as a follower of Christ. May you have a healthy, vibrant marriage relationship! Why have hamburger when you can have steak at home!

Busy, Busy, Busy

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You need to know this about me; I’m a pastor that also coaches football. In football you want to know how fast your players are. The benchmark for testing the speed of an athlete that plays football is the 40 yard dash. The seconds it takes between your start and finish can even make the difference whether you can play with the big boys in college and the even bigger boys in the pros. A running back or receiver will fly at a good time of 4.6 seconds. A big lineman not quite as fast, but 5 seconds is still flying. While running fast for the 40 yard dash is great, it’s not so great to run at that speed through your day. Yet how many of us look back on our day when our heads hit the pillow and wonder where did the day go? Why am I so tired? Where is the time I need to build my relationships with my family and friends? It seems like my life is dashing by. If you can identify with any of this, then keep on reading.

There’s an interesting story about Moses found in Exodus 18. I suggest you grab a Bible or your electronic device and read it. In the story we find Moses camped out with the Israelites in the wilderness near the mount of God. You can probably imagine what it would be like as a leader of a people in a place that is barren, dry, dirty, and plays Barry Manilow music all the time. Then you find out your father-in-law is coming for a visit. This ends up being a good thing, as he’s bringing Moses’ wife and kids back from visiting the grandparents. They meet and after sharing some pleasantries, and how the Lord had delivered them from Egypt, they rest for the night.

The next day dawns and we find Moses running forty yard dashes all day long. Well, not really 40 yard dashes. Exodus 18:13 says it this way, “The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening.” (NIV) We see that Moses has a job or ministry. But something seems amiss. He’s working from sunrise to sunset. That my friend is a looooong day. Moses is running 40 yard dashes all day long. Can you identify with any of this?

While all of this is happening, Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, from the hills but not a Beverly Hillbilly, is watching. At the end of the day Jethro asks, “What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?” (Exodus 18:14) It’s a great question and Moses gives an honest answer in saying, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God.” Moses is saying I’m God’s man and I have answers for the people. I wonder what went on in Moses mind after he said that. Did he think Jethro would pat him on the back and say, “That a boy?” Or did he think good old dad in law would say, “What a mighty spiritual guy you are and my daughter is lucky to have a man like you?” Instead Jethro kicks Moses right in the teeth. “The thing that you are doing is not good. You will surely wear out, both yourself and these people who are with you, for the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone.” (Exodus 18:17, 18) Jethro realizes there is nothing wrong with the work, just the time involved. This is what happens when you or I try to do it all. We suffer burn out. Our families and friends suffer. The people we work with suffer. What’s the solution?

Jethro then gives Moses a great solution. He tells Moses to do his part, but get others who fear God, are men of truth, and hate dishonest gain to work alongside of him. Jethro then shares this terrific insight, “Then you will be able to endure and all these people also will go to their place in peace.” (Exodus 18:23) Moses actually listens to his father- in- law and does what he suggested. That a boy!

Let’s be honest, how are you doing? Are you running 40 yard dashes all day long? Do you think you’re the only one who can do what you are doing? Are your family and friends suffering because you don’t have time for them? Do you have time for the people you are working with? Are you growing in your relationship with Jesus? As you look in the mirror, are you joyful over the person you are becoming?

Take Jethro’s advice. Set boundaries on what’s most important for you to accomplish. Begin to recruit and equip faithful people to come alongside to help. Then you can run 40 yard dashes more effectively because you’re not running them all day long. Phew!

Hands in the Air!

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Are you ready for some physical exercise? Take your arms, raise them high and wave your hands in the air! Now do that for 30 minutes. Can you do it? I would image after just a few minutes your arms will be aching, crying for relief. The Bible records a time when Moses lifted his hands high in the air. But for Moses, having his hands in the air meant life or death. We can read this account in Exodus 17:8-13. Here we find out that Amalek was picking a fight with the Israelites in the wilderness. So Moses picked his warrior Joshua to take some men to do battle with the bullies. But this battle is fought with swords and life and death hangs in the balance.

Moses encouraged Joshua by promising he would hold up a Big Stick while watching the battle from a hilltop. The staff Moses carried was not just an ordinary piece of wood; it was the staff of God. So Joshua and his band of men went to do battle with the Amaleks. The story tells us that as long as Moses held his hands up in the air with the staff, Joshua prevailed. But go back to our hand raising exercise. Place a brick in your hand and hold it high over your head. How long can you hold that brick up? Just as I had expected. Not that long. Now imagine that when your hand goes down, somebody dies. How does that make you feel?

This is what Moses was experiencing. He could only hold up his hands with the Big God Stick for short intervals of time. When his hands went down, men died. Fortunately Moses wasn’t on the hill by himself. He was accompanied by two men by the names of Aaron and Hur. Moses allowed Aaron and the guy named Hur, who had to be made fun of for a name like that, to help him. Aaron took one side and Hur the other, and together they kept Moses hands up in the air with the Big Stick. By sundown the battle was won!

This “Hands in the Air” story has great lessons for us. We’re all in a battle. Ephesians 6 tells us we’re in a spiritual fight. In ministry (and we all have a ministry of some sort!) we can tire from the needs around us. Just going through our week, we can find ourselves needing a little pick me up. That’s where establishing relationships with others can be such a help. After all Jesus put us together in a group called church. Who can you call on when your hands get heavy? Not just Facebook friends, but friends who can physically come into your space and lift you up? Work and connect with others so you can have a team to face life’s battles. Together experience a win in the midst of the battle. Lift your hands up high!