Youth Ministry and Marriage Spouse Boundaries In Ministry

Youth Ministry and Marriage: Spouse Boundaries In Ministry

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When I first entered youth ministry, I constantly sought the wisdom of my mentor about how to do ministry well. He had a ton of great advise that enabled me to do ministry better. Yet, maybe the best advise was not how to serve students, but how to take care of myself and my family.

Here are four things to add to your personal philosophy of ministry as you also serve your spouse.

  1. This is not your spouse’s job. The church or organization did not hire the both of you. Your contract does not state that they are getting a two for one deal. So why do you expect your spouse to serve with teens? Make it very clear to your spouse that they are not expected to do anything. The occasional emergency of needing another driver may come up, but if all they want to go home and take a nap, that should be okay. This should also be clear with your church staff, so that they do not “request” her assistance.
  2. Your spouse’s gifts may not be your own. You may be the best game running, middle school entertaining, sermon speaking youth worker in the state. But this does not mean that he or she can do the same things. Keep that in mind if and when they serve in your ministry.
  3. Keep the phone off. Even if it is for only an hour during dinner, ensure that EVERY DAY they have your full attention. Ask them about their day, share a meal, help with the laundry, and give them some affection. Also, align your Sabbath with theirs so that you are giving them more than just seven hours of your week.
  4. Keep the boundaries clear. We can get extremely busy in ministry, but we need to guard these boundaries with our lives. Do not let anything break it. Remember that your covenant with your spouse is so much more important than a contract you sign for your job.

What other boundaries do you have for your married to keep it separate from ministry?

This entry was posted in Best Practices, seventy8Productions, Youth Ministry and tagged , by Jeremy Smith. Bookmark the permalink.
Jeremy Smith

About Jeremy Smith

Jeremy Smith is a 27 year old youth worker at the Air Force Academy chapel, working for Club Beyond, and attending Denver Seminary for his Master''s of Counseling in Mental Health. His bachelors degree is in Computer Engineering and Master's in Family Ministry. He has been involved in Youth for Christ for eight years and absolutely loves sharing the life of Jesus with teens. He is also married to Ashley, his wonderful wife of 3 years.
  • http://twitter.com/gsimmons81 Greg Simmons

    Good Stuff, I decided while I was doing part-time youth work to make it clear to my new wife at that time that she had the veto power to say no to anything on my calendar. In effect, it makes me plan in a more strategic manner almost a year in advance so it gives her time to check the family calendar. Also, it gives me time in case something is vetoed I can plan accordingly. 

    So many positives come from it. You give your wife say into your “work” life. She is able to guide us in making sure we are not getting in over our heads. Sometimes it takes to Holy Spirit to speak through my wife to make sure the calendared plans are really making a difference in the Kingdom work. Probably more positives that I can’t think of because I am a man and God gave me an awesome help mate to make sure He is in control and I’m not.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for bringing the twitter conversation to the blog! I think what you have to say is so good and had to be added to the conversation!

      Love that you are not only thinking about how to protect your marriage, but you are fully acting on it. We all have good intentions, but when we put it into action, that’s when we win battles for our relationship. Your wife has a good helper!

  • http://www.youthministrymedia.ca kolby milton

    I guess one boundary that I have learned is when to say, No.  No to that extra thing that I don’t have time to run.  Anything else I add to my plate will take away from my family.  I do love Greg’s response about how he gives his wife the veto for any event.  I will do that.  

    • Anonymous

      Ditto to Greg’s suggestion and love that your first priority is family. Thanks for the comment.