Working With A Teen In Crisis: Giving Them Time

Our first reaction to working with students is the desire to fix what they are facing because of any three things: we need to quickly fix their crisis so we can face our own, we are uncomfortable with the pain, or we assume that we know what the whole story is that has led to this crisis. But if we give them the time and space, this will allow them to work through their emotions (no matter how hard that is) as well as establish a deeper relationship between you and the student.

We Have Our Own Crisis
Somewhere after the age of 10, our lives kick into high gear. By the time we have graduated college and are working full-time in ministry we have a hundred different tasks to do and not enough daylight hours to do them. Yet, if we want to be fully present with students, we need to instantly prioritize our life and decide if these teens crisis’ is more important than yours. At the same time, have we over extended ourselves so much that we are not serving students properly? The students probably do not expect you to stop and listen to them. Their parents are probably busy, their teachers have papers to grade, and their friends are going through their own things, why would you be any different? Take time for those you are serving and fully listen to what they have to say.

Have we over extended ourselves so much that we are not serving students properly?

We Are Uncomfortable With Pain
We are all human and have wounds from sin which means we have to deal with our own shortcomings. But when we listen to the hurts of the teens, we need to set aside our fears and sorrows to listen to what they have to say. This does not mean we are inauthentic, instead that we need to lay our own prayers before the Lord so that we can share the burden of the student. If we fail to do this, we will be preoccupied with ourselves that we miss the words and heart of the student. For those that had an awful middle school experience, give it to Jesus and be there for the students probably facing the same things you did.

We Assume Too Much
One of the biggest problems with helping those in crisis is that we do not listen to the story and assume you know the whole story. The presenting problem might seem like that he does not feel like he is being heard by his parents, but without asking the right questions and truly listening we could miss the fact that they it is really that he does not feel loved, regardless of being heard. Never ever assume you know part of the story and always ask questions. At the same time, know how to listen well. (see chapter 2.3 of The Youth Worker’s Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis for more on Deep Listening)